


Living death

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abuse, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nobody is Dead, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Alternating, Slow Burn, Slow To Update
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-27
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2019-06-17 03:13:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15452121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Mikasa Ackerman is decided to give everything she's got to mend Annie Leonhart's heart, the heart of a stranger that is crumbling and falling apart.





	1. Intuition//Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TarotQueen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TarotQueen/gifts).



Thousands of snowflakes fell, almost in a rhythmic way, from the dark and cloudy night sky, gently and slowly moved by December’s characteristic cool breeze, some of them landing on Mikasa Ackerman’s raven hair and decorating it in a contradicting yet combining manner. It wasn’t a secret that Mikasa liked that type of weather, or winter in general, and that it was the reason why she was outside of her warm and comfortable house before the snowfall to begin with, but in that occasion she found it odd, unsettling even, as if something wasn’t as it should be. She wandered absentmindedly through the streets of Shiganshina as she tried to put a finger on what exactly didn’t feel right, but she couldn’t find out what it was.

Mikasa Ackerman was a twenty two year old woman known by her intuition since it never was wrong, so she trusted her guts when she felt that the snowfall she was experiencing had something hidden beneath it. Something luring her in. Like a puzzle begging to be solved once and for all. And so she roamed around the streets, letting her intuition and her subconscious in control and walking without a place in mind. While her feet did their job, she looked around to her surroundings and smiled to herself. It was a quiet night and the district was completely empty, only Mikasa was outside, and the only sound that could be heard was Mikasa’s faint footsteps. It was quite a romantic night, or at least that was what Mikasa thought.

As she walked through an alley she pulled her red scarf up so it could cover up until her nose, and she breathed in the lingering lemon scent from her detergent, which soothed her nerves slightly. When she was about to get out from the narrow path, she placed a gloved hand on each wall and ran forward, applying forth against the walls to jump the fence that cut the exit of the alley. Mikasa was known for her great mobility and amazing athletic figure after all. She looked around and noticed that she was in a rather familiar place.

Mikasa had ended up in front of the waste land where she, Eren Jaeger, who was her foster brother, and Armin Arlert, her best friend and Eren’s significant other; used to play when they were small kids. She inhaled deeply and exhaled through her mouth, taking some steps forward as she examined the place in detail. It seemed to her like yesterday when they used to go there after they had fred Armin from the kids who picked on him so that they were able to cheer their friend up by playing extremely childish games. The good old days. The golden days. Mikasa shook her head when she saw herself, her 8 year old self, in front of her playing ‘tag you’re it’ with Eren and Armin. She had to focus.

Her feet moved slowly, just like a predator would once it had spotted the perfect prey, so as to avoid causing unnecessary sound even if she didn’t know why. She just trusted her intuition with her own life. After what seemed like 10 minutes of investigation and no results, she was ready to turn back home, but it was then when she saw it. A body sitting on the cool ground and against the frozen wood of a tree. Mikasa remained still, observing the body, the person, the _girl_. Blonde and somewhat curly hair covered the stranger’s face, but there was something in the shade of the color that was different, unique, and she didn’t know what it was. Maybe it was because it was a way lighter shade than Armin’s one, or maybe not. She couldn’t tell what it was. Mikasa blinked a few times, and immediately snapped out of her trance.

She walked closer to the girl, looking at her pale skin, so pale that she could see her veins without any problem. So pale that it almost resembled the one of a sick or even dead person. So pale that Mikasa wanted to take out her coat and put it on the stranger’s frame so they could get some warm and color back as well. And her attire. Her attire consisted on a worn out pale blue dress, one that wasn’t very long yet it looked somewhat tight on the stranger’s body, and black sandals. That was it. The stranger was the odd thing. Mikasa had solved the puzzle.

“Hey,” Mikasa murmured softly, kneeling down and touching a bare, cold shoulder to shake it a bit. The stranger didn’t move at all, and that concerned Mikasa. She placed her left hand below her chin and moved her head towards her direction slowly and carefully. Her eyes were closed. That was all Mikasa needed to know, that and the lack of normal and regular breathing, that the girl had passed out in the cold. She sighed, and cursed innerly when she remembered that she had left her phone at home. Seriously, it seemed pretty convenient that her phone had died minutes before she went for a walk.

“I don’t know if you can hear me, but… I’ll take you somewhere safe,” Mikasa said, mostly to herself, as she took the girl on her arms with great care. With an arm below the girls legs and the other one below her nape, Mikasa carried her to her house, hoping that she could help the properly aid the girl. Whilst she was walking through the street, she noticed two things. First one was, the windows of the house were no longer opened, and the shutters were lowered, at least most of them, and that meant that it was pretty late in the night. Second one was, the girl smelled like fresh lemons.

Mikasa arrived home ten minutes afterwards, mostly due to the fact that she had ran as fast as she could top get there as soon as possible, and she left the girl standing up on the floor for a few moments to take her keys out of one of the pockets of her trousers, and the girl leaned on, gently falling on Mikasa’s right side of her body, almost scaring her. She placed an arm around her waist and opened the door. Without any difficulty she got in, and closed and locked the door. Mikasa sighed and took the girl’s body once more like in the waste land, and she carried her to her room, leaving her on top of her bed.

“Hey, stranger… I’m sorry but there are no hospitals in Maria... So you’ll have to let me take care of you while you’re asleep and when you wake up, okay?” Mikasa whispered, hoping that the girl could hear her and make the situation less awkward once she woke up, before getting out of the room to take the heater that was in the living room and place it near the bed. The next thing she had to do was to remove the clothes that the girl was wearing, because they were cold and somewhat wet, and put her some warm and comfy clothes. She most certainly didn’t want to do that, because it was a violation of privacy and she didn’t want to do something that could later be very awkward, but she had to if she wanted to help her.

Mikasa walked towards her closet and inspectionated it, wondering what she should take. She finally decanted for a big white hoodie that Eren had given her for her last birthday and a pair of yoga pants that Mikasa had found in the depths of her closet. She remembered herself wearing those back when she was fifteen and way shorter, and given the girl’s height, the most probable thing was that those pants fit her.

“Here I go…” Mikasa said as her grip on the clothes tightened slightly, walking towards the girl.   



	2. Out//Chapter 1

_Mikasa._

 

After a week of taking care of the stranger, who still was unconscious, I went to Jean Kirstein’s. He had been my boyfriend since Sophomore year of high school and it was our anniversary, December 27th, so I decided to surprise him and spend the day with him. It was the least I could do after practically ignoring him for a full week after all. So, I took my umbrella since the snowfall was still going on even if it wasn’t as strong and as dangerous as it had been some days before, took two bags with food, ingredients and Jean’s favorite movies and got out of my house gleefully. However, I was most definitely not expecting what I found when I arrived.

I opened the door with the key he had given me and entered the house only to hear what seemed to be moans, groans and pants. I was shocked, but I thought that maybe he was just playing a videogame and that the noises came from it, so I left my umbrella inside the umbrella stand and went further in. I was proven utterly wrong when I entered the living room. My world crushed down and my eyes stung, probably because of the tears.

Jean was laying down on his stomach on the couch, one could he practically say on all fours, with Marco Bott, his best friend, entering him from behind and with a smug smile, his left hand grabbing Jean’s messy mane. I could see how his grip on Jean’s hair tightened, pulling it, causing Jean to moan shamelessly, his hips rocking against Marco’s pelvis. The bags that I was carrying on my hands fell to the floor when I placed them over my mouth at the same time a gasp broke through my lips. The sounds startled them, and so they looked in my direction. 

“M-Mika!” Jean screamt, horror and guilt flashing throughout his entire face. Marco separated from him, and covered his erected lower area to preserve some of his dignity.

“Save it. We’re through,” And with that, I left his house, the bags still on the floor. There was just no way that what I had seen wasn’t cheating, no matter what they would say. I started running, even if that was a cliché from high school series and movies, until I reached my house.

I just couldn’t believe what I had seen. Since the moment Jean had laid eyes on me back on Freshman year, he had always tried to woo me, shamelessly flirting with me. At first I had obviously ignored him and said no, but as time passed, I discovered that he was a very funny and sweet person when he wasn’t saying one of his cheesy and bad pick-up lines. We had various dates before we finally started dating in Sophomore year, which was 6 years ago. Doubt started to take over me, and thoughts like  _ ‘Has he been cheating on me since the very beginning?’ _ started to fill my head. Tears finally broke free when I arrived home, running down my cheeks in an unstoppable way.

Fortunately for me, a couple of minutes after I got home, around five or six, I heard a loud noise coming from my bedroom. As I approached the door, those thoughts were long gone and forgotten, at least temporarily, and the tears had ceased. I opened the door slowly, and when I got in I saw the blonde girl on the floor, the covers of the bed around her legs. I wanted to chuckle a bit, only a bit, because the sight was comical, but I didn’t because I was still shocked and affected by Jean’s infidelity. Anyway, I ended up wondering how had she ended up like that, but that was something I wasn’t bound to know. 

“Are you okay?” I asked without thinking twice. Her head was quickly raised, and I saw an infinity of ice when our gazes collided. I found myself looking at perfect, cold, enchanting, blue eyes. Even my breath was took away by them. In a matter of seconds, panic was shining in those eyes, and I realized my mistake. I lifted both of my arms and showed her my empty hands. “I mean no harm… I just want to help. I found you unconscious in a waste land and took you to my house to take care of you,” I said, sounding as confident as I could.

The blonde nodded, her mouth opened slightly, her eyebrows raised, her eyes scanning me as if she was deciding whether she should believe me or not. I sighed, flashed a tiny smile and went to the kitchen to fill a glass with water. When I was back, the girl was standing and eyeing everything. My clothes were big on her small and malnourished frame, but the sight was… Cute. She was wearing a big dark blue hoodie, its sleeves covered her whole arms and almost her entire hands, I could see the tip of her fingers and her nails; and the yoga pants I had put her the first day. Even those were a bit big on her. I frowned, remembering what was beneath the clothes, but shook my head. It was not the moment for that.

“Sit down please,” I requested softly, and after a tense pause, she did as she was told. She was looking at the glass eagerly, and I smiled. “Here, drink slowly,” I said as I handed her the glass. She reached out for it, and her thin fingers came into view. Her tongue darted out and licked her lips before she brought the glass closer to her mouth. “It’s okay, the water is room temperature, so you won’t hurt your throat when you swallow it,” And with that said, the girl drank from it.

The sight reminded me of a documental I had seen a while before, in which it was shown how a lost man drank a full bottle of water of two litters after getting lost in the desert for three days. Apparently, the man had survived by drinking water from cacti and eating scorpions he hunted. It was more or less the same sight. The eagerness, the happiness of having water down the throat and I inevitably wondered how long had she been fainted where I found her.

She handed me the glass and I took it to the kitchen, where I looked at the time. 3PM. I sighed and opened the fridge, finding ut half empty.  _ ‘Right… The other half is in his house’.  _ I shook my head and went back to the room to ask the stranger what they would like to eat, but when I arrived she was asleep again. I wasn’t surprised at all. She hadn’t been sleeping for a week, she had been unconscious, so it was only normal that she had drifted to sleep though I wasn’t expecting it to happen that fast.

At least she wasn’t unconscious anymore.

 

**_~~~_ **

 

The day afterwards I was preparing dinner, a simple but tasty chicken soup since it was the best thing that I could prepare because of the lack of ingredients, when the bell rang. I frowned and stopped the ceramic stove, partially because the soup was already finished and it just needed to cool down a bit and partly because I didn’t want to burn something by mistake; and I moved the pot to the countertop. 

Before I went to the door, I stopped dead on my tracks in front of the stairs that led to the upper floor where the bedroom and other rooms were as the bell rang for the third time. The girl had been sleeping for an entire day, and more. It was unbelievable, but at least that meant that it wasn’t her. When the bell rang another time, I sighed and exclaimed “Just a moment!” as I took of my apron and left it over a chair.

I opened the door and found Jean outside, his hair white from the snow and his skin pale from the cold. I frowned, the disappointment and sadness appearing once again, but shadowed by rage. I hadn’t thought of him and Marco thanks to the girl’s awakening, which proved to be a great distraction from what had happened previously, but having him in front of me just fueled those feelings back to life. I tried to close the door but he placed his right foot on the way and sneaked in when I was taken aback.

“Look, Mika… I’m really sorry,” Jean said, and his voice was so filled with guilt that it almost was pitiful.

“For how long?” I asked, innerly hoping that we would say ‘a couple of weeks’ or ‘a month’.

“Huh?” His eyes widened and his lips parted slightly. 

“For how long have you been cheating on my with Marco?” I asked again, leaving no room to confusion or misunderstanding.

He muttered something under his breath that I didn’t quite catch, and I frowned.

“I didn’t hear you,” I admitted, and he rolled his eyes as he groaned.

“I get that you’re pissed but there’s no need to make me repeat that, but oh well... Since Junior year of high school,” Jean said, his gaze fixed on the floor, shifting his weight from one leg to another.

“Get out of my house,” I said as I turned around, embracing myself as I processed that I had been cheated on for the last five years of my life. I shook my head and walked towards the kitchen once more, hoping that Jean would just go away.

“Mika, listen to me,” But no, he followed me like a puppy follows its owner.

“Why should I?” I asked with a new found sharp edge. 

“Uhh… I…” 

“Exactly, I don’t have any reason to listen to you, now get out,” I ordered as I lowered my head and looking at the soup.

“Mikasa, please! You have to forgive me! I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have done that, I know. I’m sorry,” Jean said, pleaded and begged even, and I was about to snap I felt his hands on my shoulder, I decided that I had had enough, but…

“You heard her,” A raspy and low, yet feminine voice said behind us, and when we turned around, I found it was the blonde girl. Not only did she have stunning and unique features but also an amazing voice that sent chills down my spine. She was looking at Jean with a fierce expression. She snapped her middle finger and her thumb and pointed at the main door with her index. “ **Out.** ”

Jean looked at her with his mouth wide opened, and then looked at me. “Who’s this? Your lover?” He asked, looking angry. I rolled my eyes and shook my head.

“Remember that I told you that I found a girl fainted on the waste land and that I had brought her home? That’s her,” I said without looking at him, my gaze fixed on the girl, whose hands were inside the hoodie pocket and had her hair tied up in a messy bun.

Jean gritted his teeth, and the girl moved away from the door frame. He groaned, but finally went away.  _ ‘The nerve of him… How dares he to assume that the girl is my lover when he is the one that has been cheating the other for years? When I told him through message that I had found an unconscious girl and I was going to take care of her until she recovered?’  _

“You okay?” The girl asked, and after a few seconds added “Mikasa?” And the way her name sounded coming from her, even if it was dubious, made me smile.

“Yeah, thanks… Umm,” I blushed, even the tips of my ears turned red, when I realized that I didn’t know her name yet even if I could have asked it the name before.

“Annie. Annie Leonhart,” The blonde said with a tiny shrug.

“Thanks Annie… My name is Mikasa Ackerman and… Dinner’s ready.” 

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to give me prompts you can either go to my tumblr and send them to me through my ask: "gasperlistrange" or just go to my instagram and send them to me via message: "gasper_listrange"   
> If those options are not available for you, email them to gasperlistrange@gmail.com


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